adventures of an ill housewife

My dear kind and sweet husband shared his sickness with me. So guess what I've been doing all week. Watching lifetime movies in my pajamas. And my dear kind and sweet husband who gave me his sickness worked the entire time I was sick, which made it even worse.

Watching Lifetime movies alone at night is such a bad idea. I'm already afraid of the dark, add a murderer in a scary movie that happens to be a true story and it's just a disaster waiting to happen. And that disaster will be a power bill through the roof because every light in the house stays on for fear that the murderer in the movie will somehow break down the door and kill me too. Don't ask me how having all the lights on will save me, but it seems logical.

It's nice to not wear makeup all week, but Nathan probably thinks he married the bride of Frankenstein. Mmm nothing says sexy like a ratty french braid, a snotty kleenex, and a wife who looks like a zombie.

My fever, stuffy nose, cough, etc was joined by nausea last night. (I don't even know how to spell the word nausea, my computer auto corrected it for me.) Can one die of nausea? If the answer is yes then my death certificate would probably say around 3am. Maybe it was a sign that I should have been watching the royal wedding. Sorry Will. My sleep pattern since becoming sick has already been completely messed up. I'm nocturnal now. (I'd make a great raccoon. I mean it's what I already look like when I get out of the shower. When I actually decide to wear makeup.) Sleep all day because my sick body doesn't have the energy to stay awake, stay up all night tossing and turning next to a snoring husband because I slept all day.

It got better when I woke up in the morning. And by that I mean it got worse. I was so dizzy and nauseous. I had a coughing fit when I was putting cream cheese on Nathan's bagel, which made me gag since I was already nauseous. In the middle of all this the stupid bagel flew out of my hand and onto the floor. And that's not all. As Nathan was walking out the door for work he dropped the other half. So much for breakfast.

This morning also happened to be Nathan's sister's graduation from UVU. Even though I felt like barfing I went anyway. The whole time I had to remind myself of the reasons why I couldn't empty my stomach at graduation. 1- DUH. It'd be incredibly embarrassing. 2- I'd probably never eat honeydew again. And that would be tragic. 3- I hate throwing up. I'd rather go to the gynecologist than throw up. Worse. I'd rather go to the DENTIST than throw up. I'd rather go to the dentist EVER DAY than throw up. One day pregnancy will be a joyful thing in the Nye household.

On a positive note. My snot is clear again.

My Heavy Burden. Literally.

My adventure today was too funny not to blog about. Plus my sisters always get on my case about how little I blog... I have come to a conclusion. I am NEVER EVER going shopping for something heavy without my dear, sweet, STRONG husband again. Tonight when Nathan went to work he said maybe I should go spend some wedding money tonight. Good idea. I could do that. I'm fantastic at spending money. It's one of my five talents in fact. So I went to Walmart, gift cards in hand. My purpose was to find those plastic sterilite storage bins because 1. I needed a place to put my clothes. The floor just wasn't doing the trick. And 2. because a real dresser was too expensive. Well, come to find out, it would've cost me around $65 to get two plastic bins. That's just ridiculous. So I walked two aisles over to the furniture section, just to see how much a dresser cost. They just so happened to have one on clearance for $75. I asked Nathan what he thouht and he said we might as well get the dresser since it would last longer. Dilemma number 1: How the HECK am I moving this box from the shelf... into my cart. I got it from the shelf to the floor, so I figured I could make it into the cart. Wrong. I only made it onto the floor because gravity was my assistant. I slid it off the shelf until all bt the edge was hanging off and kind of let it glide down the the floor. But my spaghetti arms couldn't get it into my cart because gravity doesn't aid you when need to lift something; it only hinders. The box said 90 lbs. No flippin wonder I couldn't lift it. So I set off to find an employee to help me. I think Walmart employees are an endangered species because I can never find one when I need one. Plus I needed a male who was strong, so that narrowed my options even more. I'm not saying women aren't strong, but my chances of getting the box in the cart went up if I found a man. I felt ridiculous. "Hey I have super weak arms but I want a dresser. Lift it into my cart please." On my quest to find a worker I happened to run into Charlie. What luck! He easily put the dresser box in the cart, but couldn't help me further since he had forty minutes until his roommate's wedding reception was over. And it happened to be in Draper. Dilemma #2: Checkout. I waited in line for about ten minutes at the express lane since I only had two things in my cart. But when it came my turn the dang dresser rang up for $100 instead of $75. Yep, I was THAT girl. The one who holds up the line and makes everyone behind her mad. Oops. Eventually someone went and checked the price to make sure I wasn't lying. PS I wasn't. Dillemma#3: Transportation from store to car. I spent the walk from the store building my confidence in my strength. Maybe I should have kissed my muscles for good luck. "I can do this. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS!!" Should we top off the situation? It was snowing. I looked so fetchin' ridiculous out in the snow trying to move that stupid box fro my cart to my car. Somebody get me a crane lift. PLEASE. I had one foot on the bottom of the cart, holding it in place so it wouldn't roll away, with my arms wrapped around the box, lifting with all the might I had in me. I tried several positions. All attepmts fail. I was on plan G when I man came down the parking lot with his four little boys. While he was unloading his basket his youngest started rolling away in the cart. (See why I needed to hold it still with my foot?) This is when he noticed my pre-spinach Popeye arms. He asked if I needed help and I ashamedly admitted that I did. By the time I had the car door opened he literally had the 90 pound box flung over his shoulder. Where in the heck can I get strength like that? Maybe I should eat spinach. Anyway, the nice man, who I almost felt like I needed to tip, effortlessly put my stupid dresser in the car and drove away. Dilemma #4: There's no way on this planet I'm even attempting to move that dumb piece of furniture from my car to the house until Nathan comes home. Let him deal with it now. Besides, I'd end up rolling it (as much as you can roll a box) end over end to the front door. During this process it would get soaked because of the blizzard. Dilemma #5: Some assembly required.